daphnep: (kiddie/cat)
( Aug. 29th, 2008 11:04 am)
You move on.

Or rather, the world moves on, and you find yourself carried along with it. Time is a tide impossible to resist. Swimming against it is pointless flailing limbs.

The other day I was walking down the street, and a car pulled out of a driveway just ahead of me. The window was down and I had a straight view of the driver. She was a young woman with her hair pulled back in a ponytail. She was beautiful, and she was crying. Her face was pale and blotchy, her eyes were puffy, and her nose was red the way noses get when a person's been crying a long time.

I watched her crying and driving and I wondered what she'd lost.

I wanted to ask her: "What did you lose?"

I've been reading lj rather attentively. It helps a lot, for some reason. Livejournal is like so many rolled-down car windows, I peer inside and see all of you, crying as you drive. I look at you all and remember the things you've lost.

I wish I could fix it all. I want to give it all back. I want to bring your father back, and you, your beautiful girlfriend. I want to bring back the baby you lost. I want to make your cat better, and bring your dog back, and make your father better, make your little girl all better, and bring your own healthy body back. I want to give you a new kidney, you a new knee, and you a whole brand new start. I want Simon back.

But I can't do anything.
The condition of life is suffering, says buddha. So we keep driving, because we have no other choice.
daphnep: (Simon)
( Aug. 24th, 2008 01:05 pm)
As I mentioned earlier this week, my Simon's hepatic lipidosis flaired up again this week when I was in New York. Dan got him in to see the vet, I came back a little early, and I've been treating him all week and giving him drugs and talking to our AZ vet and doing the regular forced feedings, etc.

Well, he wasn't getting better. Yesterday morning I took him to the emergency vet when his legs gave out and he turned back into a floppy stuffed animal like he did the last time, only this time they couldn't fix him in time. He had acute liver failure and I chose to let him die a few hours later.

Dan is in Arizona visiting his family, but [livejournal.com profile] lxbean came to be with us in the emergency room, and [livejournal.com profile] trillian_stars joined me shortly thereafter so I did not have to be alone. I am lucky to have such good friends who care. It is still the crappiest day ever just the same. Ever.


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